It's Graduation Day

Last Friday I had the honor of receiving a master's degree in administration.  I fully admit that I had a pretty easy path -- because of my previous schooling, I had fewer hours and projects to complete than most.  Sure, the work kept me busy but I tried to keep things in perspective; it only took me a year, and I wasn't juggling a family or a long commute like many of my classmates.  However, I can now look back and say it was hard.  I had plenty of my own responsibilities to balance.  Many times class discussions on hypothetical situations had me in a panic -- what if it was me?  What would I do?  And is knowing what to do enough?  Could I actually, you know, do it?

Finishing coursework was only one part of the equation.  I sat through an intense licensing exam that, with each question answered, created more questions in my mind about my ability.  Seeing only one minute left -- with big, flashing numbers on the screen -- caused those past three and a half hours to flash before my eyes (and yes, it was that cliched of a moment).  Those questions were all "what ifs?", but I was reminded that they could easily become reality and reality can't be solved on a computer screen.  I attended a meeting for emerging leaders in our school district and listened as we were all applauded for accomplishments, before being told that accomplishment just isn't enough.  The world is full of accomplished people.  Succeeding in administration requires something more, a certain quality that can't be defined but can always be recognized.  Needless to say there were a lot of anxious glances and shifting in chairs as we all silently tried to convince ourselves that surely the speaker was referring to everyone else in the room because, of course, we each knew he wasn't referring to us.  No, surely he was talking about the rest of those poor folks who would never get to do more than try.

As thrilled as I am to be finished with my degree I have to be honest with myself -- I have no idea if I have what it takes to make that diploma become something more than a piece of paper framed on the wall.  It is to be expected that some of the folks who read this (especially the ones related to me) will immediately insist that I'm being silly; of course I have what it takes!  I always finish what I start, and this will surely be no exception!  It will all work out the way it's supposed to!  However, the truth of the matter is that I honestly don't know if I can take the next steps -- and, believe it or not, that's okay.  As the saying goes, I won't know until I try.  Just starting this journey was a big step outside of my comfort zone, and I'm proud of all the hard work I did in the past year.  I realize that even if I never leave the classroom I've grown as a teacher from this process and that's never a bad thing.  Graduate school is hard, but I have no doubt that what I've done so far was the easy part.  Now I have to take another leap of faith, push myself a little harder, and find out what challenge awaits me next.