Last week I attended a meeting where the presenter discussed the power of "yet"-- how someone can re-frame his/her thinking so as to have a growth mindset. For instance, instead of saying "I can't run a marathon," I should tell myself, "I can't run a marathon...yet." To be fair, I feel there's a fine line between self-confidence and false confidence; no matter how strongly I believe in myself, I'm not sure any amount of positive thinking will turn me into an Olympic gold medalist. However, my thoughts on the theory were tested just a few short hours later...
I discovered that someone was making disparaging jokes at my expense about my weight. It's no secret that I have a love-hate relationship with my body; anyone who follows me on social media has seen my #runburstinrun journey. And it is indeed a journey -- I feel like I barely remember where I began, and there is no ending in sight. The source of the jokes claimed no harm was meant, that it was just supposed to be harmless and silly. In the moment I put on a brave face and tried to laugh it off. That night, though, I wasn't laughing. I was sad and embarrassed and disappointed and angry. It wasn't that I was in some sort of denial; I'm fully aware of my flaws, more so than anyone else. I guess I just thought I was doing an exceptional job of keeping them under wraps, but it took one joke to drag them out in the open. I suddenly felt like I was under a magnifying glass, that everyone could see everything I disliked about myself, and that people had probably been laughing behind my back along. I suddenly felt self-conscious about what I was eating, and a few days later I rejected a dress in a store because it had horizontal stripes and I worried that it would spawn another round of teasing. By suddenly feeling the need to make all of my decisions based on how others saw me I was giving away the privilege to control how I felt about myself.
So, this brings me back to the power of yet. It would be easy to use this incident to say, "I'm not as skinny/pretty/athletic/(insert other adjective here) as I want to be...yet." It would also be easy to say that the jig is up and to start filling the freezer with ice cream. However, I've decided to do neither of those things (although ice cream is really yummy). Instead I've decided to tell myself, "I'm not the entire package I want to be...yet." I've been working hard on myself physically, but I'm only addressing part of the equation. While I want to ensure that I'm healthy for as long as I can be, I also want to be as happy for as long as I can be. I'm not there..yet. But I've got the power to be.
I discovered that someone was making disparaging jokes at my expense about my weight. It's no secret that I have a love-hate relationship with my body; anyone who follows me on social media has seen my #runburstinrun journey. And it is indeed a journey -- I feel like I barely remember where I began, and there is no ending in sight. The source of the jokes claimed no harm was meant, that it was just supposed to be harmless and silly. In the moment I put on a brave face and tried to laugh it off. That night, though, I wasn't laughing. I was sad and embarrassed and disappointed and angry. It wasn't that I was in some sort of denial; I'm fully aware of my flaws, more so than anyone else. I guess I just thought I was doing an exceptional job of keeping them under wraps, but it took one joke to drag them out in the open. I suddenly felt like I was under a magnifying glass, that everyone could see everything I disliked about myself, and that people had probably been laughing behind my back along. I suddenly felt self-conscious about what I was eating, and a few days later I rejected a dress in a store because it had horizontal stripes and I worried that it would spawn another round of teasing. By suddenly feeling the need to make all of my decisions based on how others saw me I was giving away the privilege to control how I felt about myself.
So, this brings me back to the power of yet. It would be easy to use this incident to say, "I'm not as skinny/pretty/athletic/(insert other adjective here) as I want to be...yet." It would also be easy to say that the jig is up and to start filling the freezer with ice cream. However, I've decided to do neither of those things (although ice cream is really yummy). Instead I've decided to tell myself, "I'm not the entire package I want to be...yet." I've been working hard on myself physically, but I'm only addressing part of the equation. While I want to ensure that I'm healthy for as long as I can be, I also want to be as happy for as long as I can be. I'm not there..yet. But I've got the power to be.
Meredith. This makes me so angry that some insensitive boor would say something so cruel and make you unhappy. #1 - you are beautiful, and #2 you have all kinds of amazing qualities that go beyond mere physical beauty - you are kind, intelligent, funny, you work hard and help others - I could go on and on...I wish I could just tell you to ignore that Billy and have it go away, but I know that words hurt. Just remember, we're all working on the yet, or should be. The Billy obviously needs to work on the yet of kindness and thoughtfulness - which is a lot more important to my mind, than a couple of pounds.
ReplyDeleteThat would be "bully", but Billy has a certain appeal...
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