Skip to main content

Lose Yourself in the Music, Find Yourself in the Hospital

Watching the Olympics inspires me to bone up on my sports and athletic info, and I came across this gem of an article:

Preventing Zumba Injuries

My favorite line from the article came from a neurologist -- and admitted Zumba fan -- who theorized that some injuries were caused by  "women (who) slip on any sneaker that they think will match their outfit" instead of wearing proper footwear.  That's harsh, yo.

The article also contained a link to a list of ways to avoid Zumba catastrophes.  The same neurologist, who clearly does not have stock in DSW or Nine West, made this intriguing argument:

"Consider my patient KM, 45, from Brewster, N.Y., who took a hard landing on the concrete poolside surface while teaching Aqua Zumba two years ago. She felt pain in the soles of her feet, and over time developed severe plantar fasciitis (an inflammation of the connective tissue in the feet). Her condition worsened because of the prolonged standing required by her day job as an operating-room nurse, and she came to see me. She decided to drop Aqua Zumba and stick with the regular version and continues to teach it four times a week."

I'm no neurologist, but it seems like Doc Orthopedic Shoe is missing the point.  Zumba didn't cause KM to fall, unless it was in cahoots with that darned wet concrete BY THE POOL.  And I have to wonder if a few Zumba classes a week are really as harmful as working as a nurse in an operating room.  Aren't surgeries, like, long and stuff?  Maybe longer than, oh I don't know, a Zumba class?

Look folks, Zumba ain't payin' me nothin' here.  I've never even tried Zumba, although I admit in moments of insomnia I've watched the informercials.  Given the number of commercials dedicated to medical lawsuits, all I'm sayin' is that a smart lawyer needs to get on this pronto -- this could be a real moneymaker.  Just imagine the testimonials -- "I used to love to salsa, but after that tragic day I couldn't even look at the letter "s" without crying.  I was in so much pain I had to leave my job at the telemarketing center, and the emotional distress kept me from my second job of selling Tupperware.  Thanks to (insert intrepid lawyer's name here) I got a monetary settlement that will pay my tuition for beauty school.  Thank you (lawyer)!"

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Meanwhile, Back At The Ranch...

Yes, I know it's been a really really long time since my last post.  Life has been really busy.  But fear not friends -- the random craziness has still been happening around here. Exhibit A:  I am zoned out on the couch one night when I hear a knock on the door.  I open it to find a blond 18-year-old with a strange look on her face. I realize some guys have pictured this exact same scenario, but I have not.  Anyway, this young lady says she was in her apartment and heard a strange noise and was scared to go inside and would I go in with her?  I must have paused for a moment too long, because she began doing this nervous giggle-like thing and insisted she was serious.  I ended up going into her apartment and quickly determined that her fan was knocking her blinds around.  Despite my genius observation, she insisted I stay until she checked every. Single. Room.  And closet. Exhibit B:  I had to go for a health assessment at work so I c...

Random Musings

1.  Last Friday night I was driving home from my parents' house when I saw two gentlemen on the corner.  One was wearing a jumpsuit and the other was dressed as (I swear) Captain Hook.  They appeared to be brushing up on their creeper skills.  Well played, boys.  Well played. 2.  I've been watching a lot of "Storage Wars" lately.  Who puts glass eyeballs in a storage locker?  Why are plastic chairs worthy of storage?  If someone can afford to purchase and store randomly valuable items, why can't they afford to pay the storage fees?  And why do so many people store money in storage lockers?  Haven't they ever heard of a bank? 3.  My father used the work "Grok" in Words with Friends.  He claims it means "to understand."  Later when I was telling him about my bad day he told me he totally grokked (groked?).  Thanks for the support, Dad. 4. - 6.  I'm sure I've mused about some more stuff here, I'm just to...

A Verizon Affair To Remember

After school I convinced myself to go to the gym.  So, naturally, I found myself getting a pedicure instead.  I was relaxing with my tootsies in the warm bubbly water when the woman across from me got a phone call.  She was clearly a model of etiquette because she took the call without hesitation or concern for the rest of us.  You could tell by the loud tone of her voice that she was initially confused; the caller was apparently a Verizon representative and had asked for her husband.  After a few moments she responded that she would stop by Verizon as soon as possible to discuss the matter because she, frankly, had no idea what the caller was talking about.  Hmmmm, a secret phone?  A number she didn't recognize?  Inconsistencies in the bill?  Maybe this guy is having a mid-life crisis.  Considering how much this lady talked (even when she wasn't on the phone) while I was trying to enjoy my foot massage maybe he's just fed up....