My Dogs are Mooing

Thanks to my new digs, I am slowly but surely becoming part of the digital TV world.  Unfortunately, I'm running into some trouble in paradise.  I quickly resigned myself to the fact that I did not receive Bravo or MSNBC -- I can use the internet to stay in touch with Rachel Maddow and the Housewives.  I've even begrudgingly gotten used to losing WE and having my mom DVR "Bridezillas" for me.  However, I've now reached my limit upon discovering I have some rather -- shall we say, unique -- preview channels. Last week I discovered I had something called the Barbie Channel.  Some clever philosophical metaphor?  An ironic observation on society's focus on materialism?  Uh, no. It is actually the Barbie Channel. Oh, wait, it gets better.  I also had something called the Axe Channel, which seemed to be nothing more than an endless loop of commercials for all Axe products. Apparently there weren't a lot of Axe users out there, because today I saw that I had

Happy New Year to all of my Jewish peeps.  I hope you enjoyed break the fast as much as I did!  I enjoyed it so much that I decided to stop for a sweet tea on the way home to enhance my blintz- and bagel-induced buzz.  There were two cars in front of me.  The first car was full of giggly high school girls who couldn't decide what to order.  "Oh, I want a Happy Meal!  Can I get that with a shake? Do you sell tacos?" (Okay, I made that last one up, but it wouldn't have been that surprising.)  Finally car #2 pulled up.  This chick had an even harder time ordering, because she refused to order anything that didn't have a Monopoly sticker on it. And she ordered a lot, so you can imagine how hard it must have been for her to construct a Monopoly-friendly menu.  While I realize that 1 in 4 supposedly win, I'm not sure the victory was worth the battle.

Yes, I know it's been a really really long time since my last post.  Life has been really busy.  But fear not friends -- the random craziness has still been happening around here. Exhibit A:  I am zoned out on the couch one night when I hear a knock on the door.  I open it to find a blond 18-year-old with a strange look on her face. I realize some guys have pictured this exact same scenario, but I have not.  Anyway, this young lady says she was in her apartment and heard a strange noise and was scared to go inside and would I go in with her?  I must have paused for a moment too long, because she began doing this nervous giggle-like thing and insisted she was serious.  I ended up going into her apartment and quickly determined that her fan was knocking her blinds around.  Despite my genius observation, she insisted I stay until she checked every. Single. Room.  And closet. Exhibit B:  I had to go for a health assessment at work so I can get a discount on my gym membership.  As p