My Dogs are Mooing

Well, Dog fans, I did it -- I completed my first half-marathon!  After surviving Redman I wasn't sure I was ready to jump back into a race so soon, but a friend from Jefferson City was doing the half-marathon at Bass Pro and convinced me to tag along.  Unfortunately this has been a crazy time of year -- parent/teacher conferences, robotics, state gifted conference -- so my training was little more than walking to the mailbox.  The night before the race we were fortunate enough to hear a speech from Frank Shorter, the marathon gold medalist from the 1972 Olympics.  His victory lap was famously disrupted by an imposter who jumped out of the crowd and raced ahead of him into the stadium.  The emcee for the evening decided to find the footage of the race, and towards the end Frank stood up in front of the screen with the most intent look on his face.  It turns out he had never seen that footage before, and we got to experience him experiencing that moment.  During his speech he told

Now that the Halloween candy is on clearance, 'tis officially the season all up in this joint.  The stores are already in full Christmas swing.  I even heard "Winter Wonderland" playing, which was hard to take seriously when it was 75 degrees and sunny.  With Black Friday fast approaching, I've already seen some holiday hysteria: * I was in a store looking for lady stuff.  There were three nuns in the lady stuff department.  I was torn between wanting to stay as far from them as possible and wanting to sneak up behind them and see what they actually bought.  I know that they need unmentionables too, but I figured that was just standard issue with their habits, along with the sensible shoes and Clorox to keep their whites looking white.  Do they have to follow a dress code for their underpinnings, too? * A guy walking in front of me clearly had his shirt on inside out.  Was he a messy eater and figured, "hey, it works for the couch cushions..."?  Is that a

This is it -- the official rundown of my triathlon experience!  I know many of you (well, at least my parents) have been anxiously awaiting this post, so here it goes. My Nationals experience actually started a day before I left for OKC when I arrived home to discover my beloved bike had been stolen (chain and all).  This was probably one of the least articulate moments of my life; most of the phone call to my father consisted of four-letter words.  My next flurry of phone calls went out to my lovely friends and coworkers, who made sure that I would have a bike to take to OKC.  I also put out the SOS to the rest of the racers in Oklahoma and was assured that a bike would be waiting for me there. Saturday was a really inspiring day.  I got to watch several races, including an Ironman distance race.  I saw people overcome pain and fatigue to accomplish something truly amazing.  As the sun set over Lake Hefner I had a moment of fear and panic and excitement as I thought about what I h

I just spent the weekend in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma competing at the Redman Triathlon for Columbia Multisport Club.  Throughout the course of the weekend I made a number of discoveries. Discovery #1 -- Oklahoma has more tolls than any state I've ever visited.  I paid two to get into the state, two to get out, and a whole bunch in between.  One day I got lost and took the wrong exit; I literally paid for that mistake because I had to pay a toll to go back in the right direction.  At one point I pulled off the highway to get gas and the toll lady gave me a fifty cent refund.  When I got back on the highway a few minutes later I had to give the fifty cents back.  The toll booth giveth, and the toll booth taketh away. Discovery #2 -- There is nothing to see on the drive to Oklahoma.  It's kinda like driving through Kansas, with the only difference being it's not Kansas. Discovery #3 -- Tulsa has an El Chico.  It is yummy. Discovery #4 -- My GPS can actually tell when th

People who work for Springfield Public Schools often do a Plus Delta chart after major events.  The Plus side lists all of the positive things that occurred, while the Delta side is suggestions for changes or improvements.  I have had the ultimate of Plus Delta days. Plus: * Work was lovely today. * I saw the parents of my father's first groupie (a little first grader who, after watching my dad play guitar for choir, presented him with a drawing she had made of him singing.  It's now framed in his music room.  Cutest thing ever!). * The hot dog I had at lunch was delicious. * My teaching partner and I had a wonderful talk and super tasty BBQ dinner. * Only one more day of teaching this week before a much-needed work day. * I had already flushed. * I learned about ukeleles from a guy at Radio Shack. Delta: * It was hot today.  I felt icky. * I forgot my lunch, necessitating the need to eat the delicious hot dog.  While I was happy with the hot dog I would have been

1.  Last Friday night I was driving home from my parents' house when I saw two gentlemen on the corner.  One was wearing a jumpsuit and the other was dressed as (I swear) Captain Hook.  They appeared to be brushing up on their creeper skills.  Well played, boys.  Well played. 2.  I've been watching a lot of "Storage Wars" lately.  Who puts glass eyeballs in a storage locker?  Why are plastic chairs worthy of storage?  If someone can afford to purchase and store randomly valuable items, why can't they afford to pay the storage fees?  And why do so many people store money in storage lockers?  Haven't they ever heard of a bank? 3.  My father used the work "Grok" in Words with Friends.  He claims it means "to understand."  Later when I was telling him about my bad day he told me he totally grokked (groked?).  Thanks for the support, Dad. 4. - 6.  I'm sure I've mused about some more stuff here, I'm just too tired to remember.

I'm home from an amazing trip to Colorado! My friends and I had a ton of fun walking in the beautiful weather, sitting by the pool, watching the Olympics, browsing bookstores, and hiking in the mountains.  The one less than stellar part?  The actual travel. On the plus side, leaving from Branson airport instead of Springfield airport is a real money-saver.  On the down side, I had to go to Branson airport.  As one of my fellow travelers observed, "It's in the middle of nowhere!"  That about sums it up.  The only landmark is the Murder Rock (???) Golf Course and Restaurant.  The airport is small, which does make it easy to navigate.  The airline lady probably didn't even really need to use the microphone, but it did give things an air of big city-ness.  She announced that our flight was full and asked for volunteers to gate-check luggage for free.  Since I was taking a direct flight I had no problem giving up my suitcase.  I was especially impressed by the yo

Watching the Olympics inspires me to bone up on my sports and athletic info, and I came across this gem of an article: Preventing Zumba Injuries My favorite line from the article came from a neurologist -- and admitted Zumba fan -- who theorized that some injuries were caused by  "women (who) slip on any sneaker that they think will match their outfit" instead of wearing proper footwear.  That's harsh, yo. The article also contained a link to a list of ways to avoid Zumba catastrophes.  The same neurologist, who clearly does not have stock in DSW or Nine West, made this intriguing argument: "Consider my patient KM, 45, from Brewster, N.Y., who took a hard landing on the concrete poolside surface while teaching Aqua Zumba two years ago. She felt pain in the soles of her feet, and over time developed severe plantar fasciitis (an inflammation of the connective tissue in the feet). Her condition worsened because of the prolonged standing required by her day

Hey all!  I know it's been a long time since I've posted, but it's been a busy summer.  Not to worry, though; in the midst of the chaos there have been some Dog-worthy moments.  One happened today at Target (which is what I get for going to Target during the back-to-school bonanza).  I'm preparing for my final adventure before heading back to school -- a trip to Colorado to see my friends and their new adorable little guy.  So like any doting friend, I stopped by the store to get some presents.  After taking the childless walk of shame through the strange and mysterious baby aisle (why is it that babies need more stuff than I did in my first three apartments combined?) I made my way to the cashier.  I ended up in line behind a mother and a daughter who insisted on ringing up their identical items separately (seriously, they bought the same shirts and unmentionables and everything).  Finally, it was my turn.  I laid down my items and politely greeted the cashier.  The fo

Last night we enjoyed a lovely meal at Ophelia's.  When we were done we decided to return to Finnigan's Wake, the sight of some of our biggest accomplishments of late.  We were shocked to see that the place was packed, and the doorman told us that they were all rugby players.  Real ones, too -- not like Ross on "Friends".  We proceeded to spend the evening conversing with some lovely Welshmen.  As it turns out, in 1985 a Welsh rugby player and a Springfield rugby player (yep, Springfield actually has a team) were buddies and decided to organize a goodwill game.  Every few years the Welsh team travels here, or the Springfield team travels there.  This tradition has gone on so long that some of the original players are now cheering on their sons.  The guys were an absolute blast.  An older gentleman gave us a really interesting history/geography lesson on Wales and its inclusion in the United Kingdom.  Folks played shuffleboard and pool and rooted for the Oklahoma Thu

Pop quiz, hotshots.  You're driving late at night when you approach an intersection.  The traffic lights are flashing.  There are cars on the other three streets at the light.  What is proper traffic etiquette? The correct answer would be to treat the intersection like a four-way stop.  However, these three drivers apparently missed that question on their drivers' tests.  They were all sitting at the light.  All of them.  Completely stopped.  No waving.  No leaning on the horn.  Staring at each other like they thought that would cause the lights to change.  This wasn't even one of those times where everyone thought the other one would go; I saw these cars nearly a block before I stopped, and when I stopped none of them made a move.  In fact, once I crossed the intersection another car behind me stopped, waited, and crossed the intersection before any of the other cars moved.  Perhaps I stumbled onto some weird new traffic game.  I don't think I'll play this one.

A friend invited me to play on her softball team.  I played catcher and only missed the ball 50% of the time.  I even got a hit, which sounds great until you learn I struck out twice.  Despite my Mr. Magoo-like performance we actually came back from an 8-1 deficit to take the game 10-8.  After our impressive rally, we decided to take our winning selves to trivia.  Our egos were quickly deflated after the first round of general knowledge.  Apparently, we know nothing about the Vietnam War.  Or renewable energy.  Or the Beatles' final album.  Oops. Round 2 was in honor of one of the guest emcees, who is from Ireland (accent and all).  I learned two things from this round: 1.  I know nothing about Ireland. 2.  I don't want to know anything about Ireland. Round 3 was devoted to science fiction.  I know Ray Bradbury was a total icon to his fans, but could he have maybe waited until Friday to pass away so we could have had a different category?  Things weren't looking so go

This morning I made the somewhat impulsive decision to take part in the Red Ribbon Ride, a great event that raises money for the AIDS Project of the Ozarks.  As it turns out, it takes (me) a really really long time to ride 30 miles, so I had some time to think.  A few words of wisdom from my ride: 1.  Dogs like to chase bikes. 2.  Butterflies also like to chase bikes. 3.  Bugs are like oysters.  If you swallow them without chewing they don't taste so bad. 4.  Bugs also hurt when they hit your helmet at a high rate of speed.  I've never been hit with an oyster shell, but I'm guessing the physics still apply here. 5.  It's fun to fly down a hill, but it's not fun to almost take a header down a hill. 6.  The folks at CVS make a fine sunscreen. 7.  Wind can either be your best friend or your worst enemy. 8.  Springfield and Rogersville have a lot of hills.  Whoever says otherwise is a liar, and I despise liars. 9.  Somehow when you are at your worst people ten

Last night was Trivia Night.  We gifted folk put together a crack team named Potpourri for 300; there were several team names dedicated to Dick Clark (too soon?) and even one dedicated to those enterprising young lads guarding the President in Colombia.  We started strong in the General Knowledge category, although the team failed to believe me when I said Harare is the capital of Zimbabwe.  Hey, I teach this stuff; I've got a database of every country in the world to prove it!  We came back in a big way with knowledge of Scientists Everyone Should Know -- we did, indeed, know most of them.  This week's Speed Round was drawing car logos.  Since we had an artist and an architect on our team, we were set. We were hanging strong in third until the emcees dropped the bombshell (or Deringer) -- the next category was about the assassination of Abraham Lincoln.  What????  Didn't he just, like, get shot? How were they going to pull ten questions out of that?  Apparently, the de

After school I convinced myself to go to the gym.  So, naturally, I found myself getting a pedicure instead.  I was relaxing with my tootsies in the warm bubbly water when the woman across from me got a phone call.  She was clearly a model of etiquette because she took the call without hesitation or concern for the rest of us.  You could tell by the loud tone of her voice that she was initially confused; the caller was apparently a Verizon representative and had asked for her husband.  After a few moments she responded that she would stop by Verizon as soon as possible to discuss the matter because she, frankly, had no idea what the caller was talking about.  Hmmmm, a secret phone?  A number she didn't recognize?  Inconsistencies in the bill?  Maybe this guy is having a mid-life crisis.  Considering how much this lady talked (even when she wasn't on the phone) while I was trying to enjoy my foot massage maybe he's just fed up.  Maybe he's got a little somethin' some

My parents are in the market for a new kitchen table (moment of silence for the old one).  Their search took them to Furniture Row, and they managed to narrow it down to three choices.  Since they tend to agree on very little, they asked me to come and offer some input.  We went to the first store and were pleasantly surprised to discover the table marked down from the day before.  The second option was quickly dismissed, leaving us with the third option at the place next door -- which turned out to be the exact same table but at a higher price.  Hmmmm, what to do? The obvious choice was to return to the first store and buy the table at the lower price. However, the second store agreed to do a price match -- with the caveat that we provide proof of the lower price.  How were we supposed to do that without looking like total fluffernuts?  Why not return to the first store and just make the purchase there?  That's when the back and forth began:  we said something, the salesguy went

Over the last few days I've noticed a slight buzzing sound near my windows.  At first I thought maybe the wind from the open window was rattling the blinds, but tonight I determined the true culprit -- a cunning wasp that had somehow made its way into my tranquil abode.  My dad is wickedly allergic to wasps, and although I don't share his allergy I share his disdain (ain't genetics grand?)  The wasp made himself comfortable on top of my expensive (looking) picture in the living room.  I slunk off to the closet to get a shoe, but when I returned he decided to take things up a level.  Literally.  He chose to hang out in the skylight about twenty feet above.  Using a kitchen chair, some goggles, a bottle of Raid, and my killer instinct, Mr. Wasp and I went to battle.  I'll let you guess who won.

One night while tooling around northern Missouri, I found myself looking for something to do.  I had already visited Amish country, and the trailers that belong to hoarders but had signs that automatically turned them into "antique stores" were closed.  So, I found myself at Wal-Mart.  I was pleasantly surprised to discover that a small town Wal-Mart, despite having a similar floor plan as other locations, has its own unique perks.  Exhibit A:  The Violated Pajama Jeans Granted, I've always had a curiousity about these too.  However, there's a little opening on the front of the box that allows you to feel the "fabric" (I use this term loosely).  I guess that wasn't enough for someone; they needed to pull them out of the box in order to get the full Pajama Jeans experience. Exhibit B:  The Downfall of Britney Spears Ouch, not only is the Circus Fantasy perfume not selling well, it's on the discount aisle.  Oops, she tanked again. Exhib

On my recent sojourn through northern Missouri, I stayed at a lovely hotel for a couple of nights.  The room was clean, the staff was very nice, and there was tons of space.  There was one odd note, though -- this little gem was sitting on the counter in the bathroom: Uh, okay.  The waffles were yummy, though.

After having spent the last two weeks on the road for work, it's nice to be home for a change.  Even in small-town Missouri I managed to have some adventures along the way.  A few highlights... 1.  There are some, shall we say, amusing names in the northern part of the state.  Iconium?  Who would have guessed, although I'm told there are some killer peach floats to be had there.  Dry Sac Creek?  Yeah, I'm gonna keep this one clean for the kiddies.  Lingo?  I hope that's where Chuck Woolery films the show, because my sister and I love that game.  Callao, Kidder, Damascus...the list goes on and on. 2.  Despite the fact that I am functionally illiterate when it comes to maps and following directions, I managed to not get lost once.  Well, maybe once, but in my defense that was because of Mapquest.  How was I supposed to know that Gilman City (population 340) also had a Broadway Street?  Still, kudos to whomever laid out this part of the state. 3.  If you ever have the c

I'm here!  Thanks to the help of a very special mommy and daddy, the move is complete and I am writing this from the comfort of my new home.  Despite the chaos surrounding this endeavor things went relatively smoothly.  I did, however, manage to lock myself in the bathroom.  Apparently the lock buttons are on the outside of the bathroom doors instead of the inside, so if you come to visit beware.  I'd like to blame the door button on my unfortunate incident, but as it turns out I'm quite talented at getting locked into places.  I once managed to lock myself in the bathroom during Passover, much to the amusement of my fellow seder-mates. As I relax in my humble abode I think back to all I left behind.  The noise, the stink, the fireworks, the trash.  And now the moment has passed.  Cheerio!

Uh, kettle?  This is the pot.  You're bl....oh, never mind. Toddlers and Tiaras Lawsuit

Well, the unthinkable is about to happen -- I'm moving!  While I know many of you have enjoyed following the nuttiness that goes on around here, I've reached my breaking point.  That's right -- no more loud college students, no more weird satellite TV channels, and no more random crap on my porch.  Thanks to my parents and my new, amazing landlord, I'm outta here in about two weeks.  The dogs will keep on mooin', but the next time you hear from them it will be from a much cleaner, quieter place.  Can't wait to brag about the new digs! In the meantime, here's some pictures of Siku the polar bear.  Just because.                   www.globalanimals.com ,  www.news.discovery.com