Now that the Halloween candy is on clearance, 'tis officially the season all up in this joint. The stores are already in full Christmas swing. I even heard "Winter Wonderland" playing, which was hard to take seriously when it was 75 degrees and sunny. With Black Friday fast approaching, I've already seen some holiday hysteria:
* I was in a store looking for lady stuff. There were three nuns in the lady stuff department. I was torn between wanting to stay as far from them as possible and wanting to sneak up behind them and see what they actually bought. I know that they need unmentionables too, but I figured that was just standard issue with their habits, along with the sensible shoes and Clorox to keep their whites looking white. Do they have to follow a dress code for their underpinnings, too?
* A guy walking in front of me clearly had his shirt on inside out. Was he a messy eater and figured, "hey, it works for the couch cushions..."? Is that a new trend I've failed to notice? Or maybe he's a bit past due on his laundry?
* I went to buy a present for my nephew at a kids' store. The salesclerk managed to wear an outfit that was so eerily similar to one they had on display that I more than briefly considered the possibility that she did it on purpose.
* At another store a young woman randomly announced to me how excited she was to find colored jeans on sale for less than at her previous stop. At first I thought she had mistaken me for someone else but apparently she was just that excited about wearing colored jeans. The slogan for the jeans mentions feeling like a rock star in them, which caused her to remark, "I'm not sure I'll feel like a rock star in them." Uh, yeah, I'd kinda already reached that conclusion.
* I stopped for lunch at a restaurant that was just finishing serving up a busload of seniors. My waitress apparently missed out on that deal because she kept checking up on me and asking if I needed napkins. Word of advice -- your tip is not going to be proportionate to the number of napkins I use. Actually refilling my water glass? That might get you somewhere.
* One of my final stops was the UPS store. The guy in front of me was sending off a large package and insisted on double-checking the receipt since he "knows exactly where it's going." After looking over the receipt for a moment he asks, "so where's the address listed on here?" The clerk points it out to him, prompting him to reply, "oh, you better read that to me -- my eyes are terrible." Way to eliminate the middle man, sir.
Enjoy this lovely weather and don't forget to turn your clocks back this weekend!
* I was in a store looking for lady stuff. There were three nuns in the lady stuff department. I was torn between wanting to stay as far from them as possible and wanting to sneak up behind them and see what they actually bought. I know that they need unmentionables too, but I figured that was just standard issue with their habits, along with the sensible shoes and Clorox to keep their whites looking white. Do they have to follow a dress code for their underpinnings, too?
* A guy walking in front of me clearly had his shirt on inside out. Was he a messy eater and figured, "hey, it works for the couch cushions..."? Is that a new trend I've failed to notice? Or maybe he's a bit past due on his laundry?
* I went to buy a present for my nephew at a kids' store. The salesclerk managed to wear an outfit that was so eerily similar to one they had on display that I more than briefly considered the possibility that she did it on purpose.
* At another store a young woman randomly announced to me how excited she was to find colored jeans on sale for less than at her previous stop. At first I thought she had mistaken me for someone else but apparently she was just that excited about wearing colored jeans. The slogan for the jeans mentions feeling like a rock star in them, which caused her to remark, "I'm not sure I'll feel like a rock star in them." Uh, yeah, I'd kinda already reached that conclusion.
* I stopped for lunch at a restaurant that was just finishing serving up a busload of seniors. My waitress apparently missed out on that deal because she kept checking up on me and asking if I needed napkins. Word of advice -- your tip is not going to be proportionate to the number of napkins I use. Actually refilling my water glass? That might get you somewhere.
* One of my final stops was the UPS store. The guy in front of me was sending off a large package and insisted on double-checking the receipt since he "knows exactly where it's going." After looking over the receipt for a moment he asks, "so where's the address listed on here?" The clerk points it out to him, prompting him to reply, "oh, you better read that to me -- my eyes are terrible." Way to eliminate the middle man, sir.
Enjoy this lovely weather and don't forget to turn your clocks back this weekend!
Did you happen to be at my store? I am seriously cracking up right now. This is a conversation I hear all to frequently!
ReplyDeleteAs a matter of fact, it was your store!
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